Positive Progressive Thinkers

Communicate Your Way to the Top

Ruth Gibson

How many of you have a hard time stirring up a conversation, whether it's with someone you just met, an old friend you haven't seen in a while or your spouse's co-worker(s) at the annual company picnic? Yes, we all have times when we are not feeling "sociable" and we just don't want to be bothered.  I am specifically reaching out to those of you who are chronically at a loss for words and unable to interact with others for more than two minutes at a time.  I was that person... I thought a conversation was merely a smile or a nod followed by quick answers to "yes" or "no" questions.  I used to get very anxious prior to attending any events where I was required to interact with people, other than my immediate family and friends.   

I've learned that this  can all be avoided by following these simple yet effective tips to help boost your self esteem. Soon, you will be talking your way to the top!                              

1.  Most people enjoy talking about themselves.  You should take advantage of that by asking questions.  You can easily engage in a conversation by asking questions that will make the other person talk and open up to you.

2. People are frequently afraid to talk to others because they fear rejection or they fear they won't be accepted. Keep in mind, that the person you are afraid to talk to may have the same fears and insecurites that you do.

3. Make sure that you offer input to the conversation and give your feedback when appropriate. By doing this, you will eventually gain confidence to start conversations with others; not just your inner circle of family and friends.  

4.  Listening is key.  Make sure you listen closely to what the other person is saying, rather than waiting for your turn to cut in. Most likely, you will hear something that will spark a question or comment from you. 

5. Think about how much information you would miss out on if you didn't talk to people.  Remember some of the best life lessons are learned by word of mouth. 

6. Appear confident (even if you are nervous inside). If the person that you wish to start a conversation with has their back to you, say their name or say hello to help draw their attention to you.  Once you have their attention, take control of the conversation by asking questions. 

7. Think before you speak.  Make a mental note about what you want to say and how you want the conversation to flow.  Prepare yourself and your thoughts, beforehand, when possible.  You will then feel and look more relaxed.

8.  Learn to understand that the way you communicate with people will be the deciding factor of just how successful you will be in your relationships, your career and in life. The very skill of being able to start and engage in a conversation will help to take your life beyond your greatest expectations.  

9. Remember,your fears are fueled by you.  Teach yourself to be in control of your fears rather than have your fears control you.  Extinguish the fear of conversating by conversing.

You are not alone, there are many people who struggle with starting and engaging in conversation. If you feel nervous or uncomfortable about speaking to someone, remind yourself that you are in control.  Remember that communication is key to your future successes.  Learn the skills provided above, put them to use, and enjoy the new world of opportunities that await you.